You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. Psalms 139: 16 NLT
Wow it has been a little while since I last got on here to write a post, and oh so much has happened. I have been in the heat of college admissions season, and let me just say it has been a wild ride. I went into senior year thinking that I had everything figured out and that I knew exactly where I was going to go. Duke was the dream. Duke was the plan. All I had to do was wait for the acceptance, and I was sure it was going to happen. It all seemed like the perfect setup and in my mind it just made sense. But on December 15th, I opened that letter and it did not say "congratulations"...
In the moment I was heartbroken and baffled. I couldn't comprehend what had just happened and in a short span of time I went through the stages of grief. I let myself feel the pain and I didn't push the emotions away. I wanted to process what I was feeling and not stuff it into a box because I didn't want those emotions threatening to spill over or explode later as I was trying to clearly take the next steps.
Now I can't fully say why God said no to Duke, but I do have a few guesses and I can say that I have been able to understand it more as time goes on. It is always easier to understand when we are looking back on what happened with the knowledge that we have gained through the journey. But it isn't so easy to go through the disappointment when all you know is uncertainty. That is where faith comes in and where God's presence substitutes for knowledge.
With that being said and after going through quite a few disappointments in life and experiencing recent rejection, I have realized a few things...
1. Rejection is God's Protection.
I do not know what is going on behind the scenes nor do I know what will happen in the future. There may be some life-altering and dangerous situation that would have occurred if my own plan had succeeded, and by being told "no" I was protected from it. Or maybe I would have become complacent and stopped working so hard for my other dreams because I would've felt like it was good enough. Or maybe my faith would have faltered and I would have trusted more in my own abilities than my God's. Or maybe... The list could go on and on, but the fact remains that I do not know everything that could have or would have happened if I had received a "yes" instead of a "no". I do not know everything that I was protected from. But I can say that I am thankful for it despite the not-knowing because I would rather be disappointed and safe than elated and in danger. I would rather be dependent on God than anything else.
2. Rejection is God's Redirection.
He has a beautiful plan for each and every one of our lives and it is greater than anything we could ever think of ourselves. We may create plans for our lives and think up crazy dreams, but ultimately it is Him who is directing our steps. And if we truly lean into the truth that He has wildly amazing plans for our lives and that His plan is always better, then we can walk through rejection and disappointments with peace and an understanding that transcends the hardships of this world. We can rest and trust that He has us taken care of, that He will direct us in the path that is ablaze with beauty, opportunity, and full life.
I do not know what the future holds. I do not know where I will end up. And I do not know how it will happen. But I do know who is leading me. I know that my God is in control and that He has my future and direction.
I can rest in the truth that He is redirecting me to something better.
He knows where my feet are to tread.
And He knows yours too, friend. Rest assured in that.